Why college football is better than your stupid wedding

“But babe, the game is on!” via Amazon

I get it. You’re engaged and you’ve found the love of your life and you’ll be together forever and all that crap. And now you need to pick the date for your totally original and not tacky wedding ceremony. Your bride to be is considering a fall date to coincide with the turning of the leaves and the cooling of the air the occurs in the crisp autumn months that follow summer (or so I’ve heard… this doesn’t happen in Houston). You think: “Why not a nice cool Saturday in the Fall for our wedding date?” And here we are. You’re actually considering it you yellow-bellied spineless bastard.

What you’ve failed to see is that fall is, most importantly, the season of football. Although we do enjoy Sundays watching the league where every team threatens annually to move to Los Angeles in order to replace stadiums that are barely twenty years old, we mostly enjoy the fall season for the greatest sport known to mankind: College Football, baby!

Never Again

Once upon a time when your humble author was a naive young lad, he decided to attend the wedding of a close friend instead of watching a football game. This wasn’t any normal football game, but one that featured the pristine battle between the valiant and heroic Houston Cougars verses the Texas Tech Red Raiders. Led by Case Keenum, the greatest quarterback ever to step on the gridiron in the Bayou City, the Cougars fought and clawed their way to a huge upset over the Red Raiders. The stadium was pure pandemonium and the Red and White faithful stormed the field after securing victory for their fledgling program. Of course, ¬†yours truly was stuck at his friend’s wedding and missed one of the greatest games in his school’s history.

The Gods Angered

Fourteen months later that friend of mine and his new bride were beginning the divorce process and I would become even more despondent for having missed that classic football game the year before. I firmly believe the wedding was doomed for having angered the great football Gods by turning down their glorious gift of football they have bestowed upon us mere mortals.

Moral of the Story

Please don’t get married on a Saturday in the fall. There are plenty of other open dates earlier in the year after the College Football Playoffs, bowl season, NFL Playoffs, Super Bowl, NFL Combine, NFL Draft, college and pro spring games, and before training camp begins in August.

This author will not be attending your wedding should it interfere with his overzealous football fandom. Your marriage has a fifty percent chance of failing; the Cougars have a much greater than fifty percent chance of winning.

[We got picked up by r/CFB, check out the hilarious discussion going on!]